"You are already a teacher...you just haven't accepted it."
Ouch.
So those are the words my hubby spoke to me yesterday in response to the absurdity that had just escaped my mouth. See, this week, I've been gripped by a little pointy-headed somebody known on the streets as FEAR. It's so silly too, considering this is something I've been wanting and praying to do for years.
I don't know about you, but I kinda regard Christ For The Nations as like, one of the most awesome worship institutions on say, the planet. Every since I ventured into an understanding of surrender, sacrifice and submission unto GOD...it was on & I've wanted to be in the house!!!! Crazy, right? I mean this coming from a girl who used to laugh hysterically at Hillsong commercials back in the day.
"What's wrong with them? Lifting those hands like that. If they KNEW how they looked!!!" Mmmm, hmmmm. Guess who is lifting her hands every time she gets now??
I digress.
Ordered Steps is my heart and we try to touch the heart of GOD every time we dance. CFN has such crazy, no holding back, expressions of adoration of GOD that it was my dream for us to share OUR hearts with them. That opportunity came last year when we ministered at a children's conference at my own church home.
She kept smiling at me. Unfamiliar face, but familiar in spirit. So pleasant & seemingly blessed.
I had no idea she was from CFN & would soon be extending an invitation for us to share with their children!! Awesome GOD!
SccreeeeccccHHHHHHH!!!!!
Put on the brakes. You want me to, uummmm - speak? Now, dancing was good & plenty, but er-aah......I have to open my mouth, too!????
Guys, it's been beating me down. I've changed the script so many times until even I'm confused. I even asked my hubby to take my place or script it out - which he pleasantly & swiftly refused. (Thanks, babe).
"But I am not a teacher!!!" I cried.
"You are already a teacher...you just haven't accepted it." came the reply my delicate hears tried hard to pretend they hadn't received.
So back to work I went, writing & re-writing......fake & FAKER. It just was not me.
GOD's presence woke me early this morning, reminding me that this is a subject I've got. They are asking me to teach about WORSHIP. Now, that's something I do know a bit about.
I mean, I've been focusing so much on impressing the INSTITUTION we've been invited to that I allowed fear of failure allow me to forget what's most important: The children. Not to mention, I am a worshipper, & they are definitely having me speak on what I know.
So, I'm ditching my contrived notes for an outline & telling fear to kick rocks! After all, worship is letting our"self" disappear & allowing GOD to be GOD.
And He is more than enough!!!!
In continual praise,
cj
1 comment:
Thanks for sharing this. I think we all feel like this at some point! You can DEFINITELY do it because you have His Spirit in you, and God truly is able to work through you, no matter what you might be feeling. Remember, no one else is going to know how nervous you might be up there... and any butterflies you might feel are simply the HS at work in you. It's Holy Spirit energy. ;-)
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